I’ve Seen Too Much of His Underwear
Elastic waistband crinkled smiley faces on a sea of blue
Melting over the top of cargo shorts
Obscuring the brown leather belt.
Pull your fucking pants up or don’t wear them at all, jackass.
1 Limerick for Sophia
There once was a boy from Ukraine
Whose sweater acquired a stain.
“That’s bullshit!” he cried,
“I’ll kill you, you bitch!”
Then he ran out and cried in the rain.
3 Eulogy for Combat Boots
Today, I tried to put on my combat boots.
The zipper stopped working,
And the soles fell off.
I am sorry, combat boots.
I should have treated you with more care.
I should not have worn you daily
During winter term.
I was a fool.
I should have known, combat boots,
That shoes as cheap as you
Were not sturdily made.
I should have known.
I will try to do better.
Lament for Breakfast Bagel
by guest author Bridget
You are too hot, your egg is burnt.
I just want this not to hurt.
3 Not So Beautiful Now
Not so beautiful now!
that girl with the wine-red ponytail shrieks.
Her words are as scalding
as the milky coffee
running
down
my
face
and smearing my words on the curled page.
8 Too Ticklish for Romance
She’s too ticklish for romance
And it’s nearly nine o’clock.
Her feet curl in their socks, silently
Avoiding interaction. His feet
Tap beneath the table, not far away,
Awaiting the gentle brush of
Sneaker-on-sneaker that will never come.
9 It’s Like the Nazi’s Face at the End of Raiders of the Lost Ark
(or, Ode to Breakfast Bagel)
O Breakfast Bagel!
Why are you the best thing of my life?
What makes you so alluring?
Is it your fluffy white wheels like tasty Wonderbread clouds?
Is it your processed yellow gold
dripping from my chapped lips?
Is it your broken-yolk fried egg
flopping rubbery over the sides?
What is it, O Breakfast Bagel,
that makes me want to consume you?
2 
